• Flux Magazine

"I never thought I would get this far" by Katie Silva

Do you think if you stare at your reflection in the mirror long enough 

all the spiders that live behind it will crawl out and eat your face? 


(Woah.  Morbid.  Sorry.) 


Maybe it’s more like: 

when you are very young, you get placed on this road.  You can see every

milestone you’ll pass, 

and then, someday, you’ll reach The Future. 

(Ooooh, The Fuuuuture!) 

Some people work very hard to get where they are and go where they’re going. 

Good for them!  You’re so proud of them!  Maybe a little jealous, too? 

(You’re drawn to the people with goals.  Even though their goals aren’t your goals.) 

(But that’s the problem, right?  You don’t have any goals?) 


You’re happy that they know what they want and are going after it. 

When others look at you, they see someone like that. 

They see someone bright and driven and with a purpose- 

Who is this caricature?  Where does it live?  How do you get inside of it? 


You spend your whole life walking exactly where you’re supposed to walk.  It’s not like you 

take things quietly.  You’ve always been ready to pick a fight with an unfair teacher, talk until 

you’re out of voice, but an argument is different than an intention.  As you find yourself getting 

closer and closer to the end, you’re more and more asleep.  “Maybe,” you say, out loud, to no 

one, “Maybe I should pull over, check the map.  Take a break.  Think a little about what I want 

to accomplish.”  But for some reason, you never will.  For some reason, you never do. 


One day you will wake up at the end of the road. 

You will take your first step off the carefully paved concrete 

diploma in hand, 16 years of school behind you 

immersing yourself directly in The Future. 



What then?



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