• Flux Magazine

"Healing: Part One" by Sophia Davis

The rain clouds rolled into the sky. She felt the tug of her heartstrings as she heard him utter those words. “I don’t love you anymore.” She did her best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes. All the months she spent with him, every kiss, every hug, every little memory made was gone. She was feeling the whole world crash down around her. The life she planned for them was gone. She felt she had nothing. She became a shell of her former self at that moment.

The rain began to fall, dampening the grass around them. As the rain fell harder, so did her tears. They stood there in the middle of the grass patch in front of his house. Only the sounds of the rain and her sobs could be heard. He couldn’t even look at her. His head hung low, bearing a guilty conscience, he quietly went inside, leaving her alone. She turned and walked to her car, she got inside and started the engine. As if to twist the knife in her chest, their song played on the radio. On her drive home, she had just wondered what she had done wrong. Why wasn’t she enough for him? She did everything she knew would make him happy, despite what she really wanted. Was that not enough? She felt broken.

She could barely see the road ahead of her through the tears in her eyes. When she did finally make it home she couldn’t even bring herself to exit her car. She sat there for at least thirty minutes just trying to figure out where things went wrong and what would happen next. How humiliating it would be to tell people that the person she swore was the love of her life, just left her. How was she going to find herself again after she had been someone else for so long? How was she going to see him every day without completely losing control of herself?

She managed to get into her house without being noticed, she wasn’t ready to explain what she had just been through. She didn’t even know who to tell first. Part of her didn’t want to tell anyone, she hoped he would say this was all a joke or say that he really did love her. That was unlikely, but she could hope. She laid on her bed for what seemed like hours. She couldn’t cry anymore, so she just lay there in silence.

Eventually, when he didn’t contact her, she had to face the fact that they were over. She began piling all of his stuff into a bag. She took down the pictures of him and put them into a box. She knew she’d never throw them away so she put them up in her closet. She took a long shower, where she cried some more. She washed her face to get the dried tears off her cheeks. She stepped out and waited for the steam to clear from her mirror. It would take some time, but eventually, things would be clear again. Just like her. This is the start of healing.

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